Trapped in Blackened Ways
by StarDuchess
Summary: Severus hides his dark Veela nature, for he does not wish to subject his painful reality on the golden innocence of his mate, Harry. WARNINGS: slash, violence, pain-as-pleasure, poetry.


**Warnings:** pain as pleasure, violence, epic-poetry style

**Summary:** Severus hides his dark Veela nature, for he does not wish to subject his painful reality on the golden innocence of his mate, Harry.

**A/N: **Written for Do-Me-Veela 2012 Valentine's Fest. Beta'd by Sighing_Selkie and Miss_E. Thank you, ladies!

* * *

><p><strong>Trapped in Blackend Ways<br>**

This feeling, ever present, waxes and wanes  
>like the lunar cycles that pull the tides<br>and turn the wolves; sometimes strong,  
>sometimes weak, like hunger in a severely<br>starving man; an ache in my skeleton  
>not remedied by tisane nor tincture,<br>not alleviated by enchantment nor artifact,  
>for the very fiber of my being is cause indeed.<br>The nature of my affliction resides in my heritage  
>and nothing can change that. I have tried<br>cursing the skies for my father's allure,  
>which captured the beauty of the blackest<br>of princesses and tainted the royalty  
>forevermore. The lust in my soul for light<br>extends outward; trembles, as it will,  
>within my palm to catch the fleeting bird<br>made of fire and spirit, bravery in leaping  
>bounds, emerald gems, and sacrificial love.<p>

But I cannot - _cannot _- touch and grab and  
>hold and cling and claim, for to do so would<br>taint again, ensnare another in my dark tomb.  
>The walls, I feel, crawl all around me; vellum<br>whispers of tantalising sins that should never be;  
>doxy eyes leer from nearby shelves like visions<br>from my nightmares; the musty dank of the dungeons  
>acts like acid inside my head, no longer sheltering,<br>no longer a comfort in its hideaway location.  
>All suffocates this passion, this urge to break free<br>and grab hold of what's mine and rip and tear  
>and claw, and for him to do likewise back to me;<br>but I dare not give in, so my world blocks any joy,  
>a penance for the inner darkness not yet made<br>fully manifest and, Merlin willing, never will.  
>Intellectual stimulation no longer eases the aches<br>away, as fight I must at each dark turning  
>of the day.<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>Severus, you are a valuable servant<br>to me," hisses the Dark Lord at each  
>new gathering of his inner knights.<br>The faces around me are anticipatory,  
>waiting and watching with dark intent<br>for the display of pain and mutilation  
>that takes place within these halls.<br>He never disappoints in these matters._  
>"<em>Crucio!" I fall to the floor writhing,<br>screaming out loud for their ears to see,  
>but inwardly my blood, it sings. It greets<br>the activation of my nerves with open  
>arms. The muscles contract in spasms<br>of ecstasy only marred by the knowledge  
>that he is not the one who has the right<br>to me. The others think I hate this  
>as they all do, but that is not the case.<br>I yearn for the strongest curse to run  
>along my spine, teasing my being with<br>the release of endorphins, satisfying  
>the itch which lies beneath my skin. But<br>it is not complete; my soul-call goes  
>unanswered, and I, alone.<em>

* * *

><p>He shows up in my vision, time and time again;<br>around a corner, across the Great Hall,  
>beside a stone banister, in potions class;<br>bursting with energy and arrogance aplenty,  
>he fuels my temper, grates like lightning<br>along the nerves, enrages lust to a fever pitch.  
>I am drawn to him as he is to my nature,<br>but the very act would endanger him and  
>send me to a hell of my own making. Cruelty<br>shields the flower from destruction, but its  
>brutality bruises the delicate blossom, though<br>he is made of sterner stuff than that - the lion's  
>toughness, softly furred but steel underneath.<br>Distance I choose to maintain, but with time  
>this becomes harder.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Screams echo and I know they come<br>from me. Agony flows through my being  
>as my body changes, morphs into a<br>beast, dark and eternal. I wish to die,  
>to end this suffering; yet I feel it is right,<br>if only a special one was here to balance  
>the dark with light, to share the pleasure<br>and the pain, to make it all glorious sin,  
>who would not detest, one who would not<br>despise nor loathe the darkness within.  
>The medi-witch asks the headmaster<br>what she should do; no answer need be  
>given; none can help until I find the one,<br>yet his smile gambles another solution,  
>a risk to take which might ease my life<br>in the meanwhile, a venture that leaves  
>me empty, burning with shame as I open<br>myself to him who but provides - albeit  
>he does not know it - relief for my own<br>pain-filled desires. Whips and crucios  
>work in conjunction to lessen the itch,<br>but devoid of devotion, they leave me  
>hollow inside, ever waiting in loneliness.<em>

* * *

><p>It grows ever worse, this mounting desire,<br>each time his presence invades my realm;  
>the derision, the snide remarks, the animosity<br>given and received incenses my consciousness;  
>and the tension flows through me, blood boiling<br>until all I view is crimson. From out of nowhere  
>I strike him across the face, and everyone freezes,<br>the shock reverberating around the room as his  
>eyes go wide. Time stands still, but soon the anger<br>grows between us, his fist connecting with my jaw,  
>and pleasure erupts in feathers at the first real<br>contact from my destined mate. I close my eyes -  
>the gasp and the scorn already beginning around me;<br>a scream or two resounding; stools knocking over;  
>his bookish best friend rattling off facts about the<br>nature of Dark Veela - at the horror, the rejection  
>which always shall be my fate. Yet surprise opens<br>them again as he pummels and kicks me to my  
>knees. I stare in wonder, pain searing along the<br>sides of my body while my spirit soars, terror  
>invading my heart as hope blooms before me,<br>the possibility of hurt, of agony, of intense sensation,  
>and - oh dear, sweet Merlin, help me - ultimate joy.<br>Yearning no longer hidden but clearly writ in obsidian,  
>meets comprehension in bright Kelly green.<p>

The moment lies pregnant before fingers grip my hair  
>and pull back, as harsh lips descend upon mine, fierce,<br>determined, rough and biting and exquisite - _so good _-  
>the coppery taste invades my mouth, breaking the<br>barrier on my firm control, ending the exile and  
>solitude, and my reason screams as I rip and tear,<br>his clothes and mine, in the urge to reach luscious  
>skin. I jar away on a moaned "yes" as he grabs<br>and twists at exposed buds of pleasure and pain,  
>taking the lead and asserting dominance,<br>connecting straight to my cock and inflaming  
>all of my being. <em>This<em> is what it should feel like,  
>what my father must have felt when he made love<br>to my mother, the only reason she would have  
>to stay; that thought chills me as I look upon him,<br>to know I have trapped the golden light in bruises  
>and streaks of blood, a darkness all our days,<br>but for now there is only fulfillment, ecstasy  
>in blackened ways.<p> 


End file.
